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This Event Is Cancelled 2017

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Theme : Theme

Welcome, we’re sorry to report that This Event is Cancelled, is, once again, going to be a burn this year, in the nature of other things that might be classified a burn.

A burn is an experience of small and great magnitude, often experienced and referred to as an event. And event of much burndom and great burnitry. A more burniest event, there has not been for some time.

The event has had more people buy tickets than any other burn in the history other burn in the history of man. Even aliens. Anyone who says differently is a loser.

The event is tied together by a great and important theme. When you know this theme, you will know more about the event, and yourself, and the event and theme so closely tie everything together in the themes greatness, that you will surely understand.

Theme is an important part of every event. Theme applies to so many areas of that event in various, particular and unparticular ways. In the end, it’s important for you choose the amount of theme you apply to the event, your place in the event, and your daily life while thinking about the event.

The event is always a part of you, and the theme is a part of it. The theme is a part of you. This year, the theme will be the most literal and important take on a theme and event. It truly is.

We love Burns, and we love effigies. Nobody makes a better effigy than we do. You look at Gateway, and you look at Resonance, and you can see. We will build a better effigy and we will build it for cheaper, and InterFuse will pay. It’s that simple. You know how we do it? It’s people like yourself. We love the volunteers, many volunteers work for us, and we give ‘em a great Burn. Those other so called Burns all build fake effigies and exploit the working class. So sad.


This year, This Event is Cancelled is going to have so much art. The best art. If your art is not the best art, it should probably not be part of this event. However, by bringing your art to the event, it will be among the greatest works of art known to man, for such juxtaposition with great events and amazing themes can result in some of the greatest pieces of art ever experienced, if not better. Art that can only be described as art itself. The word and it’s presence, no other words will do.


Sure, you have kids, they’re Burner kids, and they’re cool kids… but let me tell you that the site is inhospitable to most humans. In July in Kansas, it’s fucking hot, and yes, it’s the humidity too! Nature is vicious with its poison ivy, hawthorn trees, copperheads.  Hell, we have fucking William, of all people, marking cactus’ of peril out there! Really, and you want to let your kids roam free around all this madness?  We’re not saying anything, but maybe best of luck with that. I’m sure you’re an excellent parent. (Don’t bring your kids.  Maybe this is a good chance to spend some quality time with grandma and grandpa?)


The event itself is based on several principles. They are all great because they were written by a great man. That great man is myself, and I know what they are, because I wrote them.

Among the greatest of these principles is to be an important, smart and intelligent person. As a genius, I fall into this category, and by attending this event, with this particular theme, you probably are a smart person too. Not as smart as I, but certainly of a generally greater smartness than people who do not attend.

In addition to being smart, a person must be awesome. Like a deity. I understand that for many, reaching the height of a deity may be asking a bit much. It’s understandable, you’re not me, but in these cases I would try to look at the greatness around you and consider being more like them, because they’re awesome. May I suggest looking at myself?

Other principles are things like gifting, leaving no trace, self reliance, immediacy, civic responsibility, inclusiveness, consent, etc., which are basically for losers. Losers who read pages like this and go to events like this.

Ingress & Egress

This next part is for your indentured servants to read. 

Please be at the event no earlier than 8 a.m. CST (GMT –6) on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, July 20-23.


The creator of the event and theme and art and pretty much everything awesome.
-The Greed Man